Self Love Isn’t Selfish & Why You Should Not Feel Guilty About It

My whole life, I have always been too kind to people who deliberately put me down. Continued to criticize me for who I was and how I should be a certain way, how they got offended when I refused to put up with their shit and how I would call them out on their bullshit. 

Have you ever been in a place, situation with people who would always invalidate your feelings? Tell you how you should behave or feel and continuously try to degrade your moral. I know it feels hurt, broken, and like nobody understands you, and we strive to live by How other people perceive our choices and reality. 

But you know one thing? The urge to get understood completely disappears when you know yourself. Because nobody is walking down in your shoes or living your reality, so their opinion doesn’t matter. 

The First Step to Self Love Is Setting Boundaries 

Boundaries are essential, and you should set them with your family members, friends or loved ones. They are more about how much leverage you are ready to give to others to interfere in your life. Because something your family loved ones or friends would try to control you and want you to act in a way or do things that they want. But by setting boundaries, you tell them what and what isn’t allowed in terms of behavior, actions or the degree of interference in your life. 

After You Set Boundaries, Some People Will Label You As Selfish 

It is completely okay, relax. This had happened with me when I stopped taking bullshit from others when you take a stand for yourself for the sake of your mental and emotional health. Being labelled as selfish by those people who can’t manipulate you or use you is very common. Skipping a night out, party or a family get together to spend some time with yourself is better than pretending to enjoy an event or the company of some people. 

Your Will Leave Toxic Relationships, People and Places 

Self-love will make you leave anything that dims your light whether they are friends, loved ones, spouse or family members. I can assure you that it won’t be easy because it will somehow make you feel isolated and you might get the urge to seek validation from the same people who are not good for you. But with the time you will start loving yourself, will be happier and kinder. You will be more open to others, whereas earlier you were in the bubble of your comfort zone, you will start being open to new people, experiences and places. 

Self Love Will Make You Believe in Yourself, You Will Pursue Passions That Will Inspire Others 

When you start loving yourself, you will not accept anything less than what you think you deserve. You will be more confident and start having faith in your capabilities, and this will lead you to follow your heart and pursue passions that lighten up your soul. When you completely accept yourself as you are, you will be able to share those passions with the world and inspire others. The more you start believing in yourself, the more open you will become to understanding other people’s passion and support them. 

 

How Failed Relationships Are A Blessing in Disguise!

Tables turn, bridges burn, you live, and you learn.

Gone are the days where relationships were about growing old together, getting married or spending the lifetime. Modernization has turned old school love stories to Netflix and chill, tinder and flings. Now people get bored with each other so quickly, they get into relationships for all the wrong reasons. They have a hard time dealing with their own emotions, and the list goes on.

We all have witnessed failed relationships, and they’re just a part of our life and how they had a significant impact on us, whether positive or negative. But what matters the most is how those failed relationships made us the person we are today, how we do what we love and set our priorities without any limitation.

How we thought we would not survive without them and after months or years, but then we realize that what happened was right.

Situations, relationships, people, they come & go, but what stays with us are the memories and experiences. It is totally in our hands to get better or bitter. Here’s how failed relationships can be a blessing for you: 

They Teach You to be Happy on Your Own 

This is probably the biggest mistake we do in our lives, we attach our happiness to people, whether they are partners, parents or friends. Last-minute cancelled plans or not showing up when they promised, or they still have been talking to their ex when you told them that it upsets you. You see the pattern, and it’s only us put our happiness in their hands, their actions control our emotions.

But who gave them this much of power? Because we are afraid of being alone. Whereas what we do not realize is, when you spend some time by yourself and enjoy some time alone, the company becomes an option. We only need to find something that WE LOVE DOING ALONE. It could be joining a hobby class, learning a new skill or just travelling

You Discover What You’re Looking for in a Partner 

How many times did we forgive people that we love for the mistakes they would not have been so forgiving if we would have done that? Situations, where we had to swallow our pride or where our self-respect was brutally hurt, and we chose to forgive. All just for the sake of the relationships, for the amount of time we have invested in it. But all of this, why? Because we loved them, even though we might criticize or pass on to suggestions to others saying that if we had been in your place, we would not have tolerated it. But it’s all fake, we suffer and accept the same things that we tell others to get rid off.

When we finally decide to see people for who they are and not, we want them to be; the scenario becomes pretty clear. So, the closures and endings make you understand how important it is to set boundaries. They make you aware of your own needs when it comes to a partner that leads you to find someone who’s right for you, mentally and emotionally.

I hope that all women and men out there who feel like they’re alone. Who has dealt with shit relationships fall in love with themselves and find someone who loves them more than eternity. <3

I Starved Myself to Lose Weight & Why You Shouldn’t

Its a long back story when I was in the second year of college. Though I was in a women’s college, the kind of fun we had was quite thrilling. I have been a very shy girl, reserved and afraid of being judged. So, I never dealt with a lot of men in my life. From having a girls gang in school to ending up in a women’s college, being around men was quite uncomfortable for me. I never knew about the right and wrong, what’s acceptable and what’s not and the list goes on.

A lot of people suggest me to lose weight, and they have always been like that whether they were family friends, neighbors or men I wouldn’t even interact with, and it had a significant impact on my self-esteem and worth. It took years for me to admire my own body, love the curves and not take anyone’s opinion too personally.

There was a time during my college when I lost 8 kgs in 3 months, and the reason I gave others was my goa trip. I wanted to have a beach body, but deep inside, it was my insecurity of looking like a fat ball in shorts. The second reason was my break up, only to find out that the guy was cheating on me. This made me more insecure, self-conscious, less worthy and everything you could ever imagine. People don’t have an idea of how betrayal feels like, especially when you have known them for a decade.

I started hitting off the gym whenever I could, thankfully, I was blessed with a gym in my college. Every time I got some free time, I would run to the gym, whereas my diet included juice, paper dosa and brown bread. Days passed by, and I finally started losing weight after working out for like 3 hours in a day, a little boost of self-confidence – ahh such a lovely feeling. Months passed by, and the weight became constant, it was 62, and it was stuck at that. So, I finally went to goa, had a fantastic time but after getting back, I had to give up the gym because of exams. Even though I continued to walk one hour a day, but with a proper Indian diet, my weight suddenly bounced back with three times more speed. It triggered my anxiety, and again people started saying “YOU’VE PUT ON WEIGHT” okay as if I don’t know it. Then after months and years, I just started backfiring at them, now if they would say something my response would be and HOW IT’S THE MATTER OF YOUR CONCERN? Thankfully, this worked, and now nobody says that shit to me. But it taught me a lesson, why earlier those people were able to affect me with their opinions and words was because I felt unworthy, did not love myself, had no confidence. But as I grew like an independent girl, had the confidence to speak up and courage to tell them how my body was none of their business.

When you don’t love yourself, the whole world will make you feel unloved, but when you fall in love with the person you see in the mirror every day, the universe will send that love back to you.